Today I'm doing a different post. COVID-19 is an inevitable topic since our lives have changed completely because of it. 40 days ago, I started quarantine. It seemed like a good idea, of course, to control this whole situation, but also to have some time to rest - I was going through some bad stuff.
The truth is, right now, I can tell you that locking up a person with anxiety is awful. I know a lot of people are going through the same, or worse - I'm glad me and my family are healthy - but our own problems is what we tend to focus on.
I remember perfectly the day COVID-19 was announced - or that I got aware of it - 31st of December. I was home, with a gastro and well, it was the first time in 17 years that I got a gastro so that I'll never forget. I have a trauma until today.
I'll be honest with you, at first, I didn't care about the virus. I really thought it was like a flu or something that wouldn't be that deadly. But then it started to reach another countries, and all of a sudden, we have a first case here in Portugal.
I'm glad Portugal started to react early - it was a great move, and even though we have a lot cases in comparison with our population, it could be way worse - and for me, that, at the moment, had like 5 panic attacks per week and missed every first period in the morning because I wasn't able to wake up, it sounded like a good opportunity to rest.
40 days after, I'll give anything to go back to 2019. Although I felt exhausted those days, my routine was what kept me lowkey sane. My day was filled with school, ballet and study. I basically only had free time at night before going to bed.
Now I literally have a full day to be alone with my thoughts. I only have a few classes in the morning (which I'll talk more about it in a little bit) and ballet classes at night. I focus on the blog right after lunch, but when anxiety gets worse, it gets difficult to write.
That's why I'm writing this post today. I think that mental health is something that is so important, and now more than ever, and we should talk about it, nobody should be ashamed of it.
With the situation that we're dealing with, psychologists should get rich, because mine is what keeps me more or less sane right now. It's difficult to see everything being taken away from us - and I know it is for a powerful reason - but we're living a life that we never even imagined it existed.
I had a lot of plans for this year, including going to the US in December which, for my own good, I'm convincing myself we won't be able to go just in case. I remember in January being like "This is going to be my year" (I say that every year though, but this one disappointed me quickly). Little did I know the anxiety crisis I would have, the concerts I had ticket that I would miss (Harry Styles, Lana del Rey, The Neighbourhood), that I would spend months locked home, I wouldn't be able to be with my boyfriend, that I would miss special days. I didn't see any of that coming, none of us did So that's why it is okay for us to be in a fragile situation, more anxious. Afterall, a whole life and months were taken away from us.
It's very difficult for me to control anxiety, mainly now, but we have to keep a routine. Mine has become a little bit more complex now: we started having classes on Teams. Speaking of which, I had my first day today. It was difficult to wake up early, and everything is still fresh, but it's what we can get.
Teams is actually very well built for school purposes, it's really intuitive. There's a space for assignments, where you can hand in your tasks, there's a space for notebook and there's also one for material provided by the teacher. I'll leave here an advice: if you have online classes, try to do a notebook on word. It is important to keep record of what was important from that class. I'm doing that and I find it very productive.
I was doing a work about Kuhn for Philosophy. I hate philosophy, but this one was very interesting. It is about how obstacles change actual paradigms and create new ones by adapting the older one to the crisis they're facing. And that's what's going to happen to us, daughter of a consultant, I know that they found out they could do work from home they never thought they'd be able to, I never thought I would have classes from home. Believe me, when life comes back to "normal" it won't be the our normal.
We just have to have faith, and go through this tough time.
We'll get through it.
(a few pictures taken at home because that's what we get now)